Thou Shalt Play Ball

Moses descended the mountain with three stone tablets in his arms and spoke to the Israelites. “These first two contain ten commandments on how to live. There’s bad news here for you, Obadiah the Adulterer. For you too, Simon the Idol-Maker.”

“You’d better not have bad news for me, old man, or else!”

“Hmm…  heh heh… no… um, don’t see anything to concern you, Tobiah the Murderer. Now then, this third tablet is instructions on how to play a new game called baseball.”

“Looks complicated!” shouted someone in the crowd. “Like ping pong!”

“Not really, Zelek the Moron,” replied Moses. “You hit a ball with a stick and then have to make your way around three bases until you reach ‘home’.”

“When are we gonna reach home?” bellowed another. “We’ve been wandering in the wilderness for years!”

“Yes, well, God has given us this recreation to lighten our spirits during the journey,” Moses answered. “Let’s give it a try, shall we? We’ll need some sticks and balls.”

“There are sticks all over the place,” a voice piped up. “But where will we get some balls?”

“Don’t ask me,” said Jedediah the Eunuch. Everyone laughed except Moses.

“And there are different positions to play,” Moses continued. “Centerfield, for example, will need someone who can cover a lot of ground.”

“I can cover a lot of ground,” declared Shem the Carpet Maker. Everyone laughed again.

“That’s not what I…” Moses’ voice trailed off in defeat. “Okay, forget it. Baseball is a gift from God that clearly none of you are ready for. Now, where did I put those ten commandments?”

“What commandments?” said Amos the Thief.

Moses wept.